Toddlers and the Hitting Stage
Does your toddler start swinging their fists at the first sign of frustration? While 2 year old hitting may be embarrassing and concerning, toddlers hitting themselves or others can be a common developmental phase. Learning why it happens, and how helping your toddler redirect his frustration can stop the behavior. Here’s what to know about your 2 year old hitting and laughing.
Why Do Toddlers Hit?
While a 2 Year Old hitting may have you racking your brain to figure out what you’ve done wrong, relax. Toddler hitting is not an indictment on the way you parent. Often, it’s simply a case of your toddler being frustrated, impulsive and unable to voice their feelings.
“Toddlers do not have much control over their emotional impulses and are still developing language skills. In addition, toddlers are egocentric. They treat their peers like objects and have little empathy. In other words, if their classmate is playing with their favorite doll, a toddler doesn’t see the classmate as a “friend” — they see them as an object. That said, even though toddler hitting is normal, that doesn’t mean it’s acceptable — or that you should wait for them to grow out of the behavior. Toddler hitting, which can start as early as around a year, can be stopped even if a toddler doesn’t truly understand why it’s “wrong.” Toddlers are capable of learning that hitting is unacceptable well before they truly understand that it’s hurtful. Biting, hitting, pushing and other actions that may seem aggressive typically occur when young children, who are not yet able to communicate with their words, are feeling frustrated, overwhelmed or misunderstood.
Causes of Toddler Hitting
“Toddlers don’t yet fully understand their emotions or anyone else’s, so they don’t intentionally hurt someone’s feelings,” says Edward Carr, PhD, leading professor in the department of psychology at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. Like everyone else, toddlers get bored, hungry, tired, and overwhelmed. The difference is they lack the verbal skills to communicate these emotions, which can make them even more frustrated.
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Defending their turf. You’ve probably noticed that your child hits more often on the playground or at a playdate. The reason? They are surrounded by a bunch of kids who grab their toys, push them down, or simply invade their space—and they don’t necessarily listen when told “Stop!” or “Mine!” Not acting out in anger requires impulse control, which kids don’t fully master until they’re older.
They’re having a bad day. When your toddler has an off day, they may simply lash out because they are cranky and don’t have many coping skills. “Even kids who don’t hit or bite often can lose control when they’re stressed or at the end of a long day,
Imitating someone else. Your child may have seen older siblings and pals punching it out, and now want in on the action. For some children, there’s a trial-and-error factor. “Since your toddler’s vocabulary isn’t fully developed yet, they are more likely to use their body to show feelings or to strike back in disagreement,” says Miriam Schechter, M.D., a pediatrician at The Children’s Hospital at Montefiore, in the Bronx, New York.
They’re temperamental by nature. Some children—those who are less easy-going by nature—are predisposed to leading with their fists or teeth. While some kids will just shrug and move on when someone snatches Elmo out of their hands, others go into street-fighter mode.
Trying new things. Toddlers like testing cause and effect— If I do this, what will happen? They don’t have the skills to get what they want in a reasonable way, so they may act pushy or overly defiant. They’re also using the only tools they have, says Theodore Dix, PhD, associate professor of human development and family sciences at the University of Texas at Austin.
They needs their space. Toddlers don’t have a good grasp of spatial relations. So they often find themselves cornered in a small area, too close to other kids. As a reflex, they try to hit (or claw or bite) their way out.
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https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/discipline/tips/toddler-discipline/
2 year old Hitting and Laughing
Like many toddler behaviors (chucking applesauce at your work blouse, screaming in high-pitched tones during rush hour traffic), 2 year old hitting has a common theme: to test the limits of what is acceptable. What will happen if I do this? Finding out their brother cries when hit with a stick or that beating on a drum is not the same as hitting their mom is all part of their learning process.
They haven’t developed self-control
If you are dealing with a toddler, their impulse controls are basically nonexistent. They feel frustrated or happy or bored, they express that through hitting — no hesitation.
Between ages 3 and 9 (with more significant development in girls than boys in this area). The bad news is that between ages 3 and 9 is a pretty wide range when you’re struggling right now.
They don’t understand it is bad
It’s also true that toddlers sometimes use force without being provoked by others, which supports the idea that they just want to see what will happen, and don’t yet have the moral compass or understanding that they can, but shouldn’t hurt others.
RELATED: How to Handle Toddler Aggression
The way you react to your child’s lashing out is the key to nipping it in the bud. Here’s a general guideline: Get down on his level, look him in the eye, and say in a calm, stern voice, “No hitting. Hitting hurts.” Over-explaining is lost on little ones and may backfire. The more you engage your child in discussion, the more attention she gets from being aggressive.
How to stop a 2 year old from hitting and throwing things?
Pinpoint the reason. Pinpointing the reason why your toddler is upset can be tough at this age: Is she hitting because she’s annoyed she can’t find her favorite toy? Or does she want a snack? Help her put words to her gestures. If she slaps at the sippy cup of juice because it’s not what she wants, for example, respond, “You want milk! Say, ‘milk.'”
Prevent a hitting incident. Observe what spurs your child to smack, slap, or punch, and then act preemptively. “Ask yourself, Does he strike when he’s tired or hungry, when he’s in a large group, or when he has to make transitions?” suggests Elena Labrada, M.D., a child and adolescent psychiatrist in Menlo Park, California. Make sure he takes routine naps, pack snacks if necessary, and prepare him for transitions. If your son has been hit in the past because he wanted a friend’s favorite toy, for instance, ask the other child’s mother to put the toy away during visits.
Try not to lose it. Some kids believe that any kind of attention beats no attention at all. So if you freak out when your child does something wrong, she’ll be intrigued (“Wow, Mommy went crazy!”) and she’ll have incentive to act up again.
Show some empathy. Your child can’t really understand her feelings of anger or frustration at this age, but it’s still a good idea to label these emotions for her. Try saying, “You must be so mad that Sam took the yellow bus,” or, “I’ll bet you’re angry that Mommy won’t let you climb onto the coffee table.” At the same time, employing positive reinforcement—such as praising your child when she shares a toy or uses a gentle touch—will inspire better behavior down the road.
Tie kids’ actions to other people’s feelings. Toddlers have a limited understanding of how their behavior affects others. Your child needs to know how his friend felt when he got hit. Say, “That hurt Sam and made him feel bad.” Tell him you know it’s hard to share, but a 2 year old hitting someone is not the right thing to do.
Teach problem-solving skills. Use imaginary play to help your child learn positive ways to resolve a sticky situation. You might pretend to be another child who has taken your toddler’s favorite toy. Teach him how to use his words (“That’s my toy—please give it back”), and if that doesn’t work, tell him he should ask an adult for help. Act out these scenes often so that the lessons sink in.
Implement a distraction. You can ease tension by introducing another toy or game. “Distracting the kids with a new activity is often the easiest way to diffuse a dispute,” says Erin Floyd, Ph.D., a clinical child psychologist in Atlanta. If kids are fighting over a toy, give it a minute to see whether they can resolve the conflict on their own. But when it looks like it’s going to escalate into 2 year old hitting, say: “If you can’t take turns, I have to take the truck away.” And don’t let your child keep a plaything that he’s snatched aggressively. By making him give it back, you’re letting him know that being rough won’t get him what he wants. Here are a few toys that will let your little one exert their physical energy through positive playful activities –
Monitor his media consumption. It’s important to monitor everything your child watches—even cartoons—to make sure the programs don’t contain any violence. Researchers have found that children who are exposed to violent images in the media are more likely to be aggressive themselves.
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Don’t hit your child. Even if you believe that spanking is appropriate discipline for an older child, you should never spank a 1-year-old. “At this age, your child is developmentally unable to connect your hitting him, however gently, with anything that he may have done.
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The Bottom Line
Remember that there’s no malicious intent when a toddler hits. Your little one means well—she just needs to learn better ways to express her needs and wants, which will happen in time. “Toddlers go through these stages for a month or two,” says Dr. Turecki. “Anything that is short-lived is usually nothing to worry about.”
- RELATED: 8 Learning Activities for Toddlers
https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/development/intellectual/8-toddler-learning-activities/
Remember that there’s no malicious intent when a toddler hits. Your little one means well, and just needs to learn better ways to express their needs and wants, which will happen in time.
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